*sigh* How can I say thank you enough? I really am not a fan of myself exposing all this for anyone to see. Then I can't really control what others think of me, right? :) I've had this blog for about a month and already I've had two pity parties. Christians aren't supposed to have break-downs on a regular basis, we're supposed to be stronger than that, right? At least not the really good ones.
"I need Thee, oh I need Thee, every hour I need Thee..."
And I just want to make sure I say this at least once, I'm not "trying" to be a drama queen. That is not my intention of having this blog, but I do think these things out to be a good place to let things out. Part of being honest with myself is being honest with others. Or at least putting it down somewhere that I can reflect on it later (and I'm a much faster typist than writer).
I cannot tell you how much I appreciate the concerned comments, the encouraging words that have been share with me. I was going to use this as a reply to the comments I had received, but I knew this was going to be a long one. I am getting better now :) I tend to get like that around "that time", I guess because I spend alot of time hoping in the month before "she" gets here, that maybe this month will be the month. I spend alot of time praying, maybe I am praying for the wrong things. I am moved by the love and concern expressed in your comments. You people don't even know me! And still you take the time to show you care. May God bless you all for your compassion. I'd give y'all a big ol' hug if I could!!
Father, help me. Teach me how to be content and thankful for the place I am in right now. Show me how to just be. I'm afraid I'm not as good at it as I thought I was. Forgive me for the doubt I have sometimes, help me to really believe You have got this all under control and it will go as YOU plan, not me. Help me to believe that truly, not just "know" it. Help me to live it. Everyday. Every hour and ever minute. I give thanks to You for saving me. I give thanks to You for my sisters (and maybe brothers) out there who are praying for me. I give thanks to You for Your Son, who died so I might live, who didn't have to but loved us all so much He willing did so. I thank you for the songbirds outside my window that help me to remember that Spring is coming, You are coming. There is Light at the end of the tunnel, and it's You. For everything in life, there is You. Thank You, Thank You, Thank YOU.
And for anyone who would like to email me, for whatever reason (I can be a good shoulder too :), I would like to offer it to you: firstname.lastname@example.org