Wednesday, January 7, 2009

Random thoughts...I get *alot* of those...

I am seriously bummed. I tend to get like this every now and then...I guess that's what they call a "valley"? I'm not feeling very fond of myself. I'm overweight and I feel pretty much repulsive. I feel like that person that others talk know the one...her clothes are just a little too tight. I can barely stand to see myself in the mirror. Just a whole lotta "yuck". I don't think it would feel so bad if I hadn't been doing so good before. I lost this weight about 2 years ago and then POOF! Here I am again. Feeling nasty. But I'll be okay in a couple of days. Or until I seriously see some weight-loss.

I've been mulling over a garden this summer. I would love to have one, and enough come from that I could do some canning. I feel like it would help save us money, and I get great satisfaction from that sort of labor. Seeing something I did (with God's blessings, of course) that is helping our family. I'm thinking of raised beds, maybe just a couple, of the veggies I know DH will eat (corn, beans) and then some that I love and that we use even if it isn't raw. I've been reading that several plants, like peppers and tomatoes and cucumbers, do very well in pots. Something I'm definitely considering.

I remember having chickens and rabbits growing up. I've wanted one or both ever since we started talking about buying the house. And with the stuff they pump into the poor animals anymore, I'm getting to where I feel bad buying meat, but we have no other option right now. And fresh, I really miss that.

I have been praying for a while that God would bless us with a child. I know His timing is perfect and all things are best when we accept His way of things. But I long for a child so much it hurts sometimes. I am getting better though. I'm not so obsessed over it anymore. Sometimes I feel like Hannah, but He opens and closes in His time. Not mine. But I still pray. God, please help me.

I am trying.

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