Tuesday, February 10, 2009
My time has run out. In order for me to continue my online course I will have to give them yet another $75.00 for another chance to finish this thing in six months. Again. I have been so lazy with it, I literally wasted 2 years. Now I don't know if I can finish it. I just don't know if I can run through the other courses. I don't want to waste anymore money. I'm afraid of sending them yet more money and then not finish, or even worse, fail the whole thing. And I simply don't want it. I'm so tired of feeling like I have to have some sort of "schooling" and I am afraid of my husband being resentful of me. Why can't it be good enough for me to be a real housewife and not a part-time housewife and a part time student all the time?? There is absolutely positively NO DOUBT in my mind, in my heart, that we are going to be FINE. Someone will buy my car, we will pay off these bills, maybe not right away (okay, definitely not right away) but it will be done. Jehovah Jireh will provide!! Am I just trying to "shirk" responsibilities? I am not seeking to just be a lazy woman. I have the desire to work, just not is the ways that others seem to think I should be. *sigh* I kind of feel odd that I have no fear, no doubt. It's like my complete faith and desire has crowded everything else out. There is no room for doubt. There is no vacancy for fear. But I do desire support. I can't do anything until after the 15th either way. I pray Father will speak to me. I need His answer. I am desperate for it. I am so torn. Please God, help me.