...I figured it was time to crawl out from under my rock and post something. Anything. So, what better to share on my own little piece of blog-o-sphere than a rant. It seems that's what I'm good at lately. Ranting. Unloading. Whether out loud or in my own mind. And maybe I can get some answers. Maybe, just maybe, someone else has gone through this and can share some insight.
Television. I have a hate/only-kind-of-hate relationship with it. I'm talking about entertainment-wise. I completely understand and agree that it can be an excellent tool and aide. I enjoy watching movies from time to time. But what I care to see anymore is few and far between. See, I don't know what you would call it? Conversion? Heart change? Regeneration? Conviction? But most days I want to pull my hair out and scream like a crazy woman. Sex. Violence. Blasphemy. Sex. Lies. Abominations. Sex. Gimmegimmegimmegimmegimme (especially on Saturday mornings...yes, sometimes I have to watch cartoons...nearly 30 years old and still can't get away from it) I feel like a raving lunatic!
Portraying intimacy on the screen has always made me highly uncomfortable...it wouldn't matter to me if the actors were married in real life or not, or if they were fully clothed like Amish people, just the insinuation of an intimate act between two people has made me squirmy for as long as I can remember. Even when I was living an immoral life with no real regard for Christ, I just did not care to see it whatsoever. Even when I was cheapening myself with things of the world, I have always thought it cheapened the act that I knew (though rebelled severely against) ought to be between just one man and one woman. Now, ever since giving that past up to Christ a couple of years ago, it's almost as if it flips a switch when the tone of a program begins to shift to seduction. Skimpy clothing (on men and women) does it to me as well. I don't understand it. I can't say that I have felt this passionately about it before I wandered away from the Lord, but boy, oh boy, it's there now! But obviously I'm the only person it offends.
I don't know what to do, how to handle it. I feel like a mother scolding their child and I'm just tired of repeating myself. It exasperates me that this disgusts only me. And if it does bother anyone else, it isn't so ugly that anything is done about it. The entertainment is more important than godliness. It just makes me cry tears of anguish and sorrow. WHY DOES THIS NOT GRIP ANY HEART BUT MINE!? I want to shake people and ask "WHAT PART OF HOLY DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND??" I am not perfect. God is still working on me and I am still resistant at times. I am a feeble, weak woman apart from God's mercy and love, but as someone who used to think nothing of dancing on bars in drunken debauchery and going home with men I barely knew and for God to do this change in my heart, WHAT is it going to take??? I certainly do not believe people have to go down the dark roads to appreciate or want to seek the road of Life.
And it's not just television. Magazines. Computer games. Comic books. Sometimes (more jokingly than anything) I can't help but wonder why I had not been created a man. Then, I could really preach, lol! I can only pray for God to do a work in the hearts of those who are supposed to be the leaders in the home, because I cannot do it. It is not my place to be the spiritual leader in the home, and I am trying hard to not usurp the authority that is not given to me. I wonder though...would this be considered crossing the line? Could I really post this "prayer" on the telly and get away with it?lol I could go sit in another room when these programs come one, and I would be in a room all alone most of the time. I just don't know anymore. I'm about ready to throw my hands up and just sit in the bedroom all by myself. Rant over. For now.