Tuesday, February 10, 2009
Torn
My time has run out. In order for me to continue my online course I will have to give them yet another $75.00 for another chance to finish this thing in six months. Again. I have been so lazy with it, I literally wasted 2 years. Now I don't know if I can finish it. I just don't know if I can run through the other courses. I don't want to waste anymore money. I'm afraid of sending them yet more money and then not finish, or even worse, fail the whole thing. And I simply don't want it. I'm so tired of feeling like I have to have some sort of "schooling" and I am afraid of my husband being resentful of me. Why can't it be good enough for me to be a real housewife and not a part-time housewife and a part time student all the time?? There is absolutely positively NO DOUBT in my mind, in my heart, that we are going to be FINE. Someone will buy my car, we will pay off these bills, maybe not right away (okay, definitely not right away) but it will be done. Jehovah Jireh will provide!! Am I just trying to "shirk" responsibilities? I am not seeking to just be a lazy woman. I have the desire to work, just not is the ways that others seem to think I should be. *sigh* I kind of feel odd that I have no fear, no doubt. It's like my complete faith and desire has crowded everything else out. There is no room for doubt. There is no vacancy for fear. But I do desire support. I can't do anything until after the 15th either way. I pray Father will speak to me. I need His answer. I am desperate for it. I am so torn. Please God, help me.
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Dear heavenly Father, I lift your precious daughter up to You. She is feeling overwhelmed, please lead her where You want her. Take away her doubts, and replace them with Your peace, and sweet love. Amen
ReplyDeleteMrsHester,
ReplyDeleteI am a little confused...what course were you taking? You said something about hubby being resentful...does he not want you to go through with the class and to be a full time keeper of the home only? I apologize for not really understanding on this issue, but regardless of my lack of understanding the LORD always knows what you need and what is best. So I will keep you in prayer for the Holy Spirit's guidance and wisdom in this situation.
Praying that the Holy Spirit will minister to your husband's heart and he will clearly see through scripture that the best place for his wife is in his home. I pray that he realizes that he is the only man you should ever have to answer to, serve or please. I pray that the Lord will give him wisdom regarding y'alls financial situation AND give him peace that the Lord IS your family's provision.
ReplyDeleteI pray the Lord's wisdom and for biblical knowledge as to when and how to discuss your personal internal and spiritual struggles regarding working outside the home. I pray your husband generously listens and seriously considers the desires our Lord has placed upon your heart. - In Jesus Name, Amen.
Mrs. B
Thank you Father for these sisters. They are such a good medicine to my heart.
ReplyDeleteLord, you know our sister, Mrs. Hester. You know her heart, you know her husband's heart. You will make all things beautiful, in Your time. Be close to her right now, and comfort her with the knowledge that You are near and You are love, You will provide. Amen.
ReplyDeleteMrs. Hester:
ReplyDeleteHey hun! I'm sorry to hear that you are struggling with these anxieties. I pray that the Lord will fill your heart with hope and erase any discouragement that may be "creeping around" in your mind.
Just to let you know, I have also been down a similar road with my husband. Just continue to serve your husband (without nagging) and the Lord and pray for the Lord to show you guidence and patience during this transition in your life. It's what I had to do and still do regarding this issue. Just don't loose hope or faith!